I have a situation that I do not know how to address. Here are the crib notes on my situation...
This January, I had to tell my 18year old AS that he had to leave my home when I found out he was dealing. This was after 2 years full of trying to control his using and getting no where. I helped him find an apartment with 2 "friends", paid the security deposit, helped him find furniture, bought the initial groceries and continued to provide him with a cell phone and car as long as he paid me for those things. He didn't pay and he spiraled downward graduating to heavy dealing and using. In May, he was told he goes to out-patient or he loses the car and phone. He lasted 1 week and then left group to get high in the parking lot. I repossesed his car that night and told him he has 1 week to move the phone into his name and then it's getting turned off. He agreed to enter in-patient rehab and was there for 2 weeks. When he got out in mid-June, he went to live with his father who gave him a place to live, in house meals, a job and transportation to and from all out-patient (IOP) and AA/NA meetings. He pissed and moaned about everything and walked off this job 2 weeks in with no other job lined up. At the 4 week mark, he tested positive at IOP for pot and then proceeded to steal his father's pain meds and sold them for cigarettes. He was told he made the choice to use and deal and the consequences for those choices were clearly spelled out - he had to leave.
That was 2 weeks ago. He apparently has been living with a woman he met at his meetings and still does not have a job. He called his father this morning to say he went to social services to apply for assistance and they told him that we are financially responsible for him until he is either self-supporting or 21 and that he will have to sue us for child support. WTF????? We are supposed to pay him to use drugs until he is 21?????? We live in NY state which does not have an emancipation statute so that is not an option.
I am having a hard time swallowing this. I have spent the past months working my program dilligently. Working to stay in my hula hoop and not enable my son. Working so hard to detach and focus on myself and my daughter. And now I have to worry about my AS dragging me and his father down the addiction hole with him. I am already so deep in debt from the past few years of his addiction. Does anyone have any experience with this?
I HATE THIS DISEASE