In crisis

[judymom]

I posted a few days ago about my daughter's sad behavior--how she said she would kill herself if it weren't for hurting us. I feel like the bottom is falling out. Today she seemed totally out of it and high. You all remember that she's on probation and is being randomly drug tested, but two things have changed recently that have me frantic. One, the random drug testing is becoming less frequent--it started out a year ago being almost every other day, then it tapered to every third day, and so on, over the months. Now it is about once a week. I'm thinking she might just take a chance since she knows that if she does the heroin as soon as she gets tested, by the time she gets tested again it could be out of her system. The second worry is that the boyfriend that she had for five years, who dumped her about two years ago, is getting married. I know she was crying, she's devestated, even though she was starting to get over him. This creep is several years older than her, and was the one who introduced her to drugs. Then he dumped her, got himself clean, moved back home, and now he's getting married. After he dumped her, she went downhill fast with the heroin use. That's how she got caught selling, and is now on probation.

Anyway, I feel, for the first time in over 6 years, that I should prepare myself to lose my daughter. I never even wanted to think like this, and I've been praying all day, but I feel like the end is near and I don't know how I'm supposed prepare for this....

Judy

[lovesgrace]

Judymom.. I am praying for you and your daughter. I read your post the other day. I hope your HP will give you some peace and rest even amid the unknown. May your daughter hold on and reach out to her support. Judymom I pray that tomorrow is better for you and that you can be in the moment. Just for today... Lovesgrace

[TooShyToScream]

Wow. That's just so despicable of that guy to do something like that. Introduce someone to drugs, get clean, and leave them and get married to someone else. Just wow. I hope karma bites him in the *ss. I'm so sorry about your daughter. I know how horrible she must feel. My mom constantly reminds me that I can do so much better that my now ex-drugaddicted fiancée. If she gets herself clean, she can do much, much better as well.

[Cheryl]

Dear Judy,

I understand your fear. I was told by several therapists to prepare for the worst. And it was the worst feeling to know that my son was slowly destroying himself. Feeling helpless, I talked with an interventionist who told me that I was loving my son to death. Shortly thereafter, opportunity presented itself, or maybe it my son's HP, or mine .... my son caused damage to our home and my car, so I called the police. In recovery now (JFT), he tells me that it saved his life. It wasn't easy to make the call but it was the right call for my son.

My prayers are with you.

Cheryl

[Forgive1]

I started to write a long share to explain that I know exactly what you are feeling. Then I realized that is why you came here. Like me, you know we are here for you and your daughter. We have felt your pain and sorrow. We all know we can get SESH here.

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. I pray that both of your HP's will guide you on your paths. I pray that you both find strength and happiness.

Life is a journey, may it be filled with joy,
Heidi

[JanetsHope]

Dear Judy,

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. Like others have said,
I know it all too well. It is that fear of losing my daughter (either to
a drug overdose or suicide), that keeps me coming here and keeps me
going to my face-to-face meetings. And, it is that fear that keeps me
focused on working on me and learning (and practicing) to turn things
over to my Higher Power.

As much as I want to sometimes believe that I have the power to intervene
in any harm that may come to my daughter, the reality is, there is little I can
do. For me, it helps to come here and surround myself with people who
understand. And, I am learning to love my daughter in a different way.

Mostly, I am doing everthing I can to take care of me. When I feel myself
slipping back into doing crazy things and having those runaway crazy thoughts,
I know it's time for me to call a recovery friend, get together with someone who
understands what I am going through, call my therapist, get to a meeting (Al-anon
if there is not a Nar-anon meeting). Anything to subdue my fears and remind myself
of my own need for recovery and well-being.

I will be praying for your daughter. And, praying for you.

Stay close; we understand. We are here.

Hope and hugs,

Janet

[linda.f]

Judy,

I am sorry you are going through this.
Please don't let your mind go to those
dark places. Stay close we are here for you.
Reach out and call someone, this is
how we heal.

xo

[mommalu]

My dear Judy

As I read your post, I have my arms around you, hugging you tight.

I have faced those same feelings very recently.

I was guided to the concept of SURRENDER.

Reading about this, praying about this, sharing about this, thinking about this...
It is the foundation for our 3 C's.
It is the foundation for the Serenity Prayer.
It is the foundation for Step 1, Step 2, and Step 3.
It is the foundation for accepting what is.
As I work at this concept, a special peace has come over me.

Stay close. You and your daughter are in my prayers.

Lu

[judyg]

From one Judy to another . . .

I understand. I spent a bit of time with my oldest son Sat. It wasn't a good idea to do so. I became overwhelmed with sadness. Not good for me; not good for him. I "saw" the extent of his disease. It scared me and sent my mind to that dreadful place of thinking I saw his death ahead.
Then something somehow happened that was odd. I started to get notifications of postings from the NA facebook page. (I have visited that page before, but never asked for notifications so there is no explanation for this other than my HP at work.) The postings were full of joy and hope. One was from a young woman who, because of her recovery, was about to have the first day of unsupervised visitation with her children in 8 years. She was so grateful!! These posts remind me that the miracle of recovery happens every day. If it is meant to be, it will be. In God's time, not mine.

Peace be with you.

Judy

[dtosh]

I should prepare myself to lose my daughter

From my experience, there is nothing you can do that can really prepare for the impact of losing a child. Knowing that it can happen and accepting it is the best one can do. Anything more is just self-torture causing one to dwell on it - and it just saps hope. One suffers the full impact of such a loss regardless of expecting it or any advance preparation. I suggest just accepting the possibility and concentrating on hope. The fear of it occurring is always in the back of the mind anyway. Dwelling on it only makes it worse and muddles decision making.

As things get worse and worse, the line between enabling and helping becomes more and more blurred. It then becomes important to understand your addicted love one and where their head is in order to make decisions concerning this line. Every addict is different. When the situation becomes very critical, there are no lines, rules, ideas, or principles more important than saving a life. At critical times (and you can feel these in your gut), I feel it is best to error on the safe side because there may be no other chances.

[dmom]

So sorry for what you are dealing with.
You are not alone.
You and your daughter and family are in my prayers.

((hug))

dmom

[Gerilyn]

I am also so sorry for your fear right now. It's all of our fears. It's what brings us to our knees. It's what makes us so all consumed with our addict. It's what brought us here. I try to do some deep breathing and I reach my hand out for my HP to take. I know that there are just those times that we get overwhelmed. We are all praying for you and your daughter.
(((hugs))) and love,
Gerilyn

[Lyra]

You and your daughter are in my prayers.

[kathyf]

I'm sorry you are hurting. The fears of losing our children to drugs is a difficult feeling to deal with. I, too, have felt that way many times. I hold onto those who share here as I read about the recovery of their ALO's. When I stay in my fear I become immobilized.

Holding you in my thoughts.

Love,
Kathy