Support for my kid that are victims too

[Bug05]

I have 16 year old twins that are having a very difficult time with recently learning their father and I have separated due to my husband's new addiction to cocaine. Their dad has always been there for them until he started staying out all night and sleeping all day a few months ago. Now that we have learned the reason behind this drastic change in behaviour our world has collapsed as we knew it. How can I help my sons through this difficult time? There is so much anger and hurt and I want to take it all away. Is there a Nar-Anon group for teens? Thanks for listening.

[jpaetz3]

Some cities have groups for teens. Check listings for Families Anonymous and Alateen. Alateen is associated with alcohol, but an addiction is an addiction. I hope you find them some help. When my kids were struggling I was able to find a good therapist for them. Talking with someone experienced with family isues was really helpful.

[kathyf]

I don't know if there is a Narateen. Nar-Anon meetings are hard enough to come by! You might have better luck finding an Alateen meeting.

I know how hard it is when the family breaks up. My kids were younger but it was very difficult for them. Hugs to you all.

Love,
Kathy

[Melanie40]

After working my own program of meetings and step work with my sponsor, I began working on ways that I could help my kids better. First, was committing myself to my own recovery program. Secondly, I spoke with my kid's guidance counselors about our current family situation. If anything came up at school, they would already know the background. So far all has been fine.
My kids and I also see a family counselor on a regular basis. Weekly at first, currently about every 6 weeks. My son also participates in their boys group.

Thirdly, my kids attend Narateen, one of the few here in the US. An alternative is Alateen. My kids were resistant at first. But I put my foot down, that it was best. No matter how I got them there. Luckily, it was not having to carry them in kicking & screaming. They got their meeting. While I got my extra meeting in the other room. I allowed myself to "bribe" them....there choice of a fast-food or ice cream place on the way home. My kids are 12 and 10. Sixteen year olds, may look for larger bribes and a little harder to carry

Basically, I just look for whatever resources I could find. 2-1-1 is a great service that can help find resources in the community. They try to keep a lot of no cost or low cost options.

Personally, I think the peer to peer support my kids get from Narateen has been the most beneficial for them. I have seen the largest growth in them since starting back in October. For myself, the tools of Nar-Anon and a family counselor have helped me cope with the way my kids were coping.


Melanie

[Bug05]

Thanks everyone. Hugs

[summerday]

I have experienced this myself in the last two years.
I have three children who are 13, 16, and 19.
To say it is not easy is an understatement of epic proportions.
The 13 year old was going to be the "saver' and was constantly upset that everyone else wasn't bending over backwards to help dad.
The 16 year old shut down completely. No discussion of anything. Dad didn't exist anymore.
The 19 year old was hearing from his friends what dad was up to - can you imagine how he felt?
He was blindsided and devastated.

What worked for me - consistency, consistency, consistency.
No matter how much chaos was being slung, everyone got up every day and did what they had to do.
I told my children, "how you approach the day is your choice. You can choose to be happy and productive and hope for a good day or you can choose to be miserable. The choice is yours. "
We went to work, to school, had dinner, did homework, grocery shopping, all the mundane things, and the fun things too.
We celebrated birthdays, good report cards, a sunny day...
All without him.
Life goes on - life on life's terms.
It got a little easier to get up as each day passed.
My children are still sad, how can they not be?
But we take it one day at a time.
That's what worked for us.

Hugs,
Summer

[Bug05]

Thank you Summer for sharing your experience. Consistency has become the rule around our home as well. Consistency with the recognition that some days will just be harder then others. One of my sons did not go to school yesterday because of nightmares that kept him up all night. Today he went to school but called me to come pick him up half way through the morning because he was having a great deal of difficulty concentrating and was acting out towards his friend which is totally unlike him. Lots of talking, hugging and necessary crying seems to help to get things back to consistent. One day at a time and sometimes even one minute at a time is the key. Take good care.