My husband is addicted to cocaine

[Ready2GiveUp]

I have been married for 5 years. The first year was great, and then I went to Iraq (deployed with Army). While I was gone, my husband began to use cocaine alot. I was so clueless and feel kind of stupid. I found out after we married, that he had used it in the pass. Of course his family never told me, nor did he. My life was hell for almost 3 years. I was clueless about his addiction, I thought he was just a drunk. He emotionally, verbally abused me. He pretty much wipped out everything I had (savings, bonds, stocks). I left him. We reconciled 1 year ago and everything is good, however, he told me Friday night, that he had used cocaine again. I know this time I won't be codependent, but I feel like I have died. I don't want to leave him because of his addiction. I feel like I can survive it much better this time, but I feel like I can never have a normal life. Can I?

[mommalu]

Welcome to our Forum Family!

First, thank you for your service to our country.

Second, if you were in the Army, then you remember boot camp.
It is there that the Army took a green, unknowing person - broke them down - and rebuilt their lives stronger & more resilient.

Addiction is much like that process.
It breaks down the unknowing and unaware - often times completely.
This program (along with meetings, literature, slogans, steps, sponsor, service) will rebuild and offer a new way of living.
That new way of living is stronger, more resilient, and will provide calm despite the storms raging around you.

You have courage.
You have determination.
You have choices.
You have a new family of support.
Jump on in - you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

Lu

[Linda (lsv)]

Dear Ready,

First...welcome! I am sorry for the reason you are here; yet I am so glad you found us. As for normal....not sure what that is or if it exists other than a setting on my dryer. You are now among people who truly understand what it means to love an addict. Loving them does not mean we have to condone/support/enable them. It also does not mean we abandon them. There is a ground inbetween....it involves alot of soul searching and the setting of reasonable and enforseable boundaries. For me, it meant I had to let go of my obsessive control; the belief that I could save or fix him (my son). It is a journey....not a destination. We are here for you to share your journey. The key is to go to meetings (in your area and online), get a sponsor, and work the steps. And the best part is we do not do it alone. Your answers will reveal themselves as you work this program if you choose...it is so worth it....and so are you. Keep coming back!

Love,
Linda

[carpediem]

Welcome. I'm glad you found us, and as Mommalu said, thank you for your service.

In answer to your question, "can I ever have a normal life" the answer is:

Yes. You. Can.
I was just bemoaning the five years I spent married to an addict, and my sponsor said, "it's a chunk of time, but it's not "a lot" of time." For almost all of that time, I didn't realize he was an addict. Please don't beat yourself up. We're not the first ones who have been hoodwinked by an addict. There are loads of us, scratching our heads, wishing we had figured it out sooner. We're human, we're compassionate, and we want to believe the best is in everybody.

My life is pretty normal now, even though it isn't perfect. I am here for me, to make sure I can have the best life possible, be the best mom, daughter, friend, and partner I can be. I want to be the best friend I can be to MYSELF. This program is about us.

Hang in there and keep coming back.

[evergrowing]

Welcome!

Coming here and realizing I wasn't alone was a huge relief for me in the beginning. I was a mess. I wanted to be normal again too and feared that I couldn't. I think my definition of normal has evolved and I proud to report that after being in this program for over a year, I have shaped my life into something I enjoy.

I saw people here who had what I wanted. So I became willing to give it a try. They told me to go to meetings on a regular basis, they told me to read Nar Anon literature and to immerse myself in the program so I could start to understand its language.

I have found it to be the greatest gift I've given myself and my husband who is my qualifier. I have found the strength, courage and wisdom I needed to make important changes in my life.

Keep coming back. So glad you found us!

[Angelgirly2]

Welcome. And please keep coming back. It works!
And I would like to say a big "Thank you" also for serving and protecting our country.

Addiction is a problem we cannot solve. We are powerless. Here at Nar-Anon and it's counter part, Al-Anon, we have a saying about the Three C's:
You didn't CAUSE it, You can't CONTROL it, and you cannot CURE it.

This program will help you. It will give you tools to make choices and decisions that only you can make. And live with.
Blessings to you.

[Bug05]

Welcome!
I am new to the Nar-Anon family as well. I found out three weeks ago that my husband has been addicted to cocaine for about a year (that I know of). Finding this forum has been a gift from my HP. I have been attending online meetings and just this week have begun to work Step 1 of the program. I am already feeling stronger and beginning to see clarity in my world of caious. The next step for me is to attend a f2f meeting. Thanks for being here. Keep coming back. It is worth the time and so are you.

Bug05

[finallyready]

Hi friend, I am at the other end of that spectrum. My ALO became addicted after a tour in Iraq. I would be remissed if I didn't start this message out by stating THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, GOD BLESS. I have found that there is life after finding out about my sons addiction. There is life while living with his addiction and there is life while living through his recovery, relapse and hopeful recovery once again. Please stick with us and keep coming back and don't give up especially on yourself. You arent' alone, please know that. Keep coming back and also come to our meetings.