With all the crap that's happened in the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling pretty good about where I am and how I'm doing: I'm going to several f2f meetings each week (though mostly al-anon), I'm here in this community a lot, I'm trying to focus on taking care of ME.
What just struck me is that I am mostly taking care of me by running away - either to a meeting, or to do something else outside of the house. Right now, other than locking myself in my bedroom, I don't know if I can be nearly as successful taking care of me while in the same house with my addict step-d and her probably-addict babydaddy, who are still living there. I am cordial to them, but I am still avoiding them as much as possible. I find myself being GLAD that they seem as uncomfortable with being around me (ever since I discovered pain pills, klonapin, and half my change jar missing from my bedroom which I'd forgotten to lock last Friday), because if they're uncomfortable then my thought is that maybe they'll move out sooner. I just don't want to be there, and I don't feel like playing "let's pretend everything is ok" in the mean time.
But, I also recognize that this probably isn't really taking good care of myself. It feels.... wrong. But is it wrong because I'm so used to being "nice" and acting as if everything's ok and going out of my way to make everyone feel comfortable, or is it wrong because the things I'm doing are not truly healthy for me? I haven't figured that out.
So, I really don't know what "taking care of myself " looks like when I'm in my own home sharing space with my thieving, addicted step-d and her babydaddy. I only know how to take care of myself by leaving.
If anyone has stories to share that would help me understand better what taking care of yourself while actually sharing close physical space with your addict can look like, I would appreciate hearing your stories.