Hi Ann! It's great to hear from you again!
I will resist the temptation to help her with her bike dilemma, but I would LIKE to also not get MYSELF stressed about it too!
Its ok to NOT help her today right? To not help this girl who is finally getting her feet under her and seems to get knocked down by one thing or another!
I understand your dilemma. I really do.
When my son was in rehab, I had several conversations with a wonderful counselor--yet she did not mince words with me.
There were many things i was tempted to do for my son, including sending him boxer shorts. I always wanted to make things easier for my son.
She told ne to let him wash his drawers out in the sink and dry overnight. He had such an attitude of entitlement. It was time for him to rely on his own resourcefulness--after all, he didn't care about clean boxers when he was using!! She forbade me from sending boxers!!
Long story short(er): The counselor told me that when my son was in recovery and doing the right things, I could meet him part way when he needed assistance.
Now for me, the tough thing to figure out was "What is part way
? Afterall, I was used to going whole hog and beyond reason to "help".
I needed to sit back and examine this.
What is reasonable? Replacing things he lost through carelessness?
Helping with rent--paid directly to the landlord?
Shoes for work?
Or, do nothing at all, and let him figure it out?????
I talked things over with my sponsor. I did not react, but "sat on" my decision making for a few days.
There are no exact right or wrong answers. Each situation has to be weighed on its own merit.
I will say this---as my sponsor reminded me---if resentments enter into the "helping" then that was a clue for me to back-off and let him figure it out on his own.
One other thing: Keep coming back!! You have been MIA for a long time & you've been missed.