I feel guilty and I wish I had had my remote with me.

[tavalon]

Just after the meeting with remote metaphors, I pulled a really, really stupid move and five minutes after I had done it, I would have given anything to have a rewind button. I know guilt isn't something we're supposed to wallow in but I genuinely did something bad, though I didn't do it with malicious intent - it was very thoughtless and very wrong. Wednesday night, the addict's sister wanted to know if I had heard from him as their family hadn't been able to find him and so I told her what I knew and I thought that was all right. Five minutes later, going over it in my head, I realized I had breached his confidence. I feel like a worm. I don't know how or really, if I can fix this. I know I can't be the only person who ever screwed this up, but I'm feeling mighty lonely and stupid right now. Any SESH. anyone, especially with how you dealt with the aftermath of the screw up?

[Jim78]

Terri,

I too "screwed up". Last week someone charged something to my credit card. The charges came from Minnisota, where my AS lives. Well guess what. I thought it was him and called him to see if he made the charges. As it turns out the head quarters for the company that the charges came from where in Minnisota, and he had nothing to do with it . Boy did I feel like $hit. I make mistakes and can only move forward after I realize those mistakes.

Jim

[Cheryl]

We all make mistakes .... learning to forgive myself is part of my recovery.

cheryl

[tati]

Hi, Tavalon:

I've done this on a few occasions and kind of sweated it out. Initially, I felt really bad. But then I found out that my AH's family and friends (some of whom are also in NA) already kind of suspected that he'd gone on a binge; because they'd kind of figured out that when theycouldn't reach him, he's was usually out on a binge. In the years before I set a personal boundary and removed myself from the drama by shutting off all the phones, they'd want me to tell them when he got back home, give them updates, how long had he been gone, where did I think he could be, had he given any sign that he was going to use, etc. It got to be too much for me. I finally told family and friends that when they call him at home and on his cell repeatedly and there's no response: just assume that he's using: and don't call me because there's nothing I can tell them. I don't know where to find him, either.

Before I set that boundary,and said something I regretted, I just would tell my AH when he returned that I'd told family that he was gone, etc. I think in my case, I just got tired of lying about what was really going on with him. Usually he'd be relieved because they'd have time to 'cool down' by the time that he got around to talking to them. He didn't have to face the music, so to speak. My AH is not a violent person, so I never have had to deal with that kind of situation with him when he came back home.

I hope that things work out for you.

Tati

[Melanie40]

Step 10.....Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Personally, I have not completed step 10 with my sponsor, but I still practice this step in all my affairs.

Melanie

[Believer]

When I make a blunder I remind myself I am a work in progress, as I learn better I can do better. I make my amend and do my best to not repeat my mistake, Progress not perfection this is not an easy road for us to walk we can only do the best we can and keep learning, don't beat yourself up it does not change anything. We are all human not perfect.


Hang in there

peace marie

[river rock]

Countless times ive made mistakes as such.
When we know better we do better. If he mentions
You can appologize. I hve learned to forgive myself
As well as others, I cant move forward til I do.
Love ya
River rock

[tavalon]

Thank you all. I've wracked my brain trying to figure out how to fix this. It isn't fixable. Anything I do now will just make things worse. So, I just have to keep it as a really important lesson in what not to do.

[kathyf]

'We are not perfect. We do the best we can in any given moment. Forgive yourself. You are a wonderful person.

Love,
Kathy

[Christina]

I agree...forgive yourself.

Having an addict in our lives forces us to change so many things...how we view life, how we process information, how we handle our emotions. It can be so frustrating at times, because to get through it you HAVE to make changes - it is almost like we have to learn how to live all over again. It is hard. And we are ALL going to make mistakes along the way.