The Next Chapter

[cherylvc]

I have not heard about the Salvation Army here helping addicts, but I will look into it or tell him to. Thank you for responding.

[Cheryl]

I just PM'd you some info on Salvation Army.

Cheryl

[sharon]

It's called the ARC program

(addiction recovery center) it's a great program with a great price FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Go to meetings, work the steps, get a sponsor for YOU.

[cherylvc]

So, he called 2 two days ago and wanted to come home, I said no (yay me) but I would meet him for coffee. He was obviously detoxing and said he was on day 2. He says he is sober. He is looking for a treatment center. I told him about the salvation army and he is checking into that and a few places tomorrow I guess. I got a message today from a relative saying they saw him panhandling at a gas station today. I don't understand him at all. He has unemployment that is going to my bank account. He knows I would give him money for whatever he needs (except drugs). I know he doesnt trust himself with money, but I don't get it. He has no self respect left at all.
My life is going reasonably well otherwise.

[Cheryl]

He has no self respect left at all.

Tragically, one of the many things that addiction steals from the person. Stay strong, the story is not over.

Cheryl

[Nightingayle811]

He has no self respect left at all.

That is the most tragic thing about addiction, in my opinion, is how it changes otherwise kind, caring, compassionate people who have moarals and a conscience and so much potential to do great things, into something you wouldn't even recognize as a human being. My alo told me in graphic detail about one of the lowest points in his addiction, in which he was living on the streets or in crack houses, and was actually pimping a girl out for money to buy drugs. Its so heartbreaking to see their humanity slipping away when they relapse and just as heartbreaking to witness their guilt when they are clean and their conscience returns. Some like mine, can never forgive themselves...and so the cycle repeats.

Gayle

[cherylvc]

Yes, Gayle, you are right about the cycle repeating with the guilt. He feels so miserable and humiliated that he cannot face me, his family or even himself.

[rxgirl]

This is so damn sad. I have heard until the pain of using becomes more than the pain of getting help then the addict will continue using. Unfortunately is it very painful to watch a person kill themselves in front of you... You are not alone.. love vickie

[MHonaker1964]

Girl I can so identify with you and in fact found you to be one I look to for inspiration. My addict My Husband is not even trying to stop.....he is still caught up in the lie that because the pain clinic prescribes it its OK. I was foolish enough to accept the responsabiity of holding on to his pills and distributing them as prescribed....what a mistake that was as he was up in my face constantly. He still managed to abuse his pills by stealing, lying and threating me. If im even allowed to say this I am courious if someone who can take 56 30mg oxycodone in 4 days along with klonipin and various blood pressure medications is trying to die. Is he on his way to using herion next. In any event Im done with suffering the consequences of his choices. I feel like you are where Im headed and hope we can share and help ourselves and others. When I walked out on him the other night because he had me up against the wall demanding his pills...more than he was supposed to take that is and I was not giving them up. But I finally did and then walked out and went elsewhere for the night...that was a defining moment. GO ME....I think even if he did go into recovery too much is lost and I only want to do as you are doing and get on with my life. Right now things may seem tough but I have to keep faith in that one day women like us will look back and feel blesseed that we stuck to our guns.....we are opening a new door filled with so many opportunities for hope, happiness and joy. If we stay where we are at now we too will be distroyed. I will never stop praying that My Addict will recover but I can help him any longer. The type of help and support we are programmed to give is harmful to the addict and to ourselves. No good will ever come from it....so lets put on our walkin boots and move foward !!!!!
MYSRED in Ala

[cherylvc]

Amen, Mysred!
My AH is now on a list to go to inpatient treatment. He wanted to spend the day with me, but I have other plans. Keep coming back and keep me posted.

[Nightingayle811]

Cheryl....You GO Girl! Live your life!
So proud of you for not cancelling your plans!
((BIG HUGS))
Gayle

[Cheryl]

I am so glad that your husband is on a list to go into treatment. It's never too late for someone to get sober. And how are you doing?

Cheryl

[cherylvc]

So I spent the day with my daughter and we did girl things and it was fun. Last night I went to see my brother in law play in a band with my bestfriend and sister and that was fun too. My AH asked to go with and I told him no. My power steering went out in my car and I handled the whole situation by myself including getting it fixed and renting a car and still making it to an appt., yay, me!
My AH called this morning and was begging for me to pay for his hotel room because he had nowhere else to go until he gets into treatment. I told him no because I have been telling him he cant afford to stay there and he needed to figure something else out. I gave him his cell phone back the other day when he got on the treatment list so he could get the call when they had a bed ready. Our situation is a little complicated because he gets unemployment that is direct deposited to my account. Then I have been giving him money for what he needs. My paycheck is being garnished because of one of his rehab bills and some checks he forged my name on so this is his way of paying me back. So technically he is asking for his own money in a way, but I don't know. I am a little confused as to how to handle this. He has nowhere to go. So, this morning I told him I was spending the day with my daughter and I would call him later. When I texted him he didn't answer and then I texted "high?" and he texted "high, going to meeting". I was actually thinking of letting him stay here until he got the call, but I had a feeling he wouldn't make it until then....Anyway, I am a little disappointed in him which is hard to believe at this point (damn my sick mind) and trying to figure out how I should handle his situation with where he should go. I wish I knew when they were going to call!

[Nightingayle811]

Cheryl, just remember you can't control what he does or doesn't do or when "they" are going to call. You can only control your decisions and your circumstances. Try to make the decisions that are going to keep YOU healthy and let your AH worry about himself, his own health and his own decisions. If you keep doing for him what he refuses to do for himself, he will never experience the consequences and he will never have the opportunity to learn from them.
Just my thoughts.
Gayle

[cherylvc]

So, today I dropped at the treatment center 4 hours away. Long day of driving, and the place seemed a little scarey to me, but at least he is there. This will be trip number 4 I think to rehab. #1 he didn't stay, his codependent mother actually gave him drugs and a place to stay, #2 he stayed and graduated and was sober for about 5 months, #3 he stayed and was sober about a year, so I guess maybe things are getting better each time. HIs drug use has gone way beyond any of the previous times and this time he is going to be detoxing for several days.
As for me, I felt really alone driving home for 4 hours. I think my family is sick of the story and I am sick of telling it and so I don't. It is going to be hard. My house is for sale and I will be moving soon, that will not be fun. I have a roommate staying here now, but she is moving out along with her rent payment so I am a little freaked out that I am losing that money and my husband's unemployment at the same time, but I will make it. I am filing bankruptcy, more fun. So I guess today was a long day and I am not feeling very optimistic, but he is in treatment and that is a good thing, it is a start, I have hope for him and for starting my life over.