Need replies from married women regarding sex!

[georgiapeach]

This is a very sticky part of my marriage.My AH has not used in a year now.Yet I do not "want" to have sex with him.
he still refers to it as making love, but I don't. I dpn't feel intimate with him because I can no longer trust. he as not come through with his promises. He is not supporting our family, even when I was out of work. I feel as if I am carrying the whole load and when he says"You wanna make love" I think NO...I still have lunches to make, a house to clean, take care of the kids...etc...etc....etc..... I am tired, I have been doing this for too long. One time, he , for lack of a better term, raped me. I acted like I was asleep and he took it anyway...then later he made a comment about "Are you sure you were asleep, because usually, your legs are more relaxed So now I wonder, when I am exhausted and passed out from it, does he take advantage of me???? Just recently, he made a comment about my period, but we have never had a conversation about my having it right now...so did he try one night and discover it???? I don't know, but I do not feel comfortable. I give in to basically get him off my back.....so now I need to figure out how to get out, support my houe and the kids and make ends meet. I don't get paid as much as I used to. No guaranteed income...now I need to find some "work at home" work to try to take up the slack. Then I will be better able to make my move towards serenity....
Hoping to hear some responses on what others ESH might be on this.
Cyber Hugs and God Bless,
martha

Do you take medication to sleep at night? My husband is an addict but he hasn't ever hurt me physically. With my ex-husband I felt that way after he cheated on me. I knew that my marriage was over when the thought of him disgusted me. I'm sorry that your own husband would be so cruel to you. I pray that you can find the work you need so you can leave him.

[Martha]

At one time I did take OTC sleep aides because I could not sleep. I would be semi-concious all night long and it was taking it's toll....that is when the older events took place. These days I am working so much(both at my job, then at home) that I wind up exhausted physically....we have two children 10 and 12. I am away from the house for 60+ hours a week, then do most of the housework/running around. Both kids have soccer practice, thn there is homework, making meals, cleaning the house, etc....just got back from one soccer game. My husband had to take our son to his...two different places and overlapping times..... I am working on getting on top of things, I am about 29 days late for paying my car payment and my house payment, as I do not get paid as much as I was when I bought my house and my husband has never attempted to pick up the slack. He DOES give me part of his weekly paychecks to go towards the bills, but it is usually $200 or less, last week I got nothing. Hopefully, if I can hang on until income tax, then I can get caught up and update the computer. That will allow me to do some work from home employment that I found out about. I am also going to check into another posibility, either way, I have to be able to get bills caught up, as I will need a home phone to do either and I do not have enough to pay that bill....
Cyber Hugs and God Bless,
Martha

[hellfor20]

First...I think this post should be on the friendship page...lol I doubt that the administrators of the forum anticipated sex as a technical issue...hahahahaha

For me, I would say that I would not have sex with him while he is in active addiction. Quite frankly, I will not have sex with him until he is tested for STD's. I have four kids to live for.

That being said...When I did "play along" I felt like was doing just that...playing a part or a role in feeding his addiction. I was a tool or a drug just like the crack cocaine. Sex was for his satisfaction and not mine. It made me sick. I did not enjoy it. I felt like I could have cut off the bottom half of me and just let him have at it. I was that involved in what was happening in the room.

I agree that for a lot of women, sex is not in the body at all, but in the brain. If things are going well in the household and all emotional needs are met...then its a wonderful experience. Otherwise, I don't need the aggravation. I end up getting a resentment over the whole experience and who needs that ?

Just my opinion.

When I get my emotional needs met....different story entirely.

JoAnn

[lindaepnj]

I'm a married women and I would like to express my feelings concerning this topic.I havn't had sex with my husband who is an addict for years, ever since he started using. Maybe I'm living in a fantisy world or have weird expectations. but when I married my husband, I loved him. He was supposed to be my provider, my lover, a person who I looked up to, my SOUL MATE. I trusted him, I believed in him. After all, isn't a marriage based on love, trust, communication and honesty? I can't describe how I felt when he was given the choice between his pills or me, it was his pills every time. I can't describe how I felt when he would lie to me, decieve me, promise me something and then break that promise. It hurt to be manipulated by him. And it was always his wants, his needs his problems, his crisis's. It hurt me seeing someone I loved so drugged up that his head/face would fall into his plate of food. So, no, I couldn't have sex with him. I didn't know him, he was a stranger. He was not the person I married and he was certainly not my soul mate anymore. If sex is based on love, trust and honesty, how could I possibly have sex with someone who lies tome, breaks promises, is someone I can't trust or believe in. It would feel to me like I picked some person off the street just to satisfy an "urge" and not be based on ANYTHING else. And that's how I feel.