ME

[DianneCanSell]

I am no concerned for my own self. My fiance is an addict. I quit drinking for him though I never had a problem myself. He is also a pill addict and lately has been slipping them to me, and now he gives them to me and I understand truly why he takes them. I get it, they make the problems go away and make you feel great when you low. But I don't want to be like that but I find myself slipping and enabling. I find myself becoming like him which in retrospect is what I think he wanted so he could validate his own actions. He has me now where he wants, but I don't want to want them but I get it, it's makes you feel so much better. I don't want to be an addict and don't feel like I am cause i haven't taken one today which actually i found hard. WHat is going on in my life, my madness. Dealing with his addicition and his attempt to make me one. We have therapy this week, I'm going to tell the terapist what has been going on, and I hope he does the same. I want him and now me to be clean and sober for for 1 year min before we marry. I need to gain weight back, I'm now 80lbs because these pills make me puke. If something doesn't change I wonder or think I may die. I need to care for myself but I care so much for him yet I allow myself to be caught into this continum. I hope things work out.....

Dianne

[Linda (lsv)]

Diane,

This is way out of the realm of my personal experience. All I want to say is that you sound like you are on the brink of disaster...reach out...call someone...try to save yourself with the last bit of strength you have. You CANNOT save HIM...you can save YOU. In your times of clarity, you know the pills are a bottomless pit of destruction...in the moment you feel good. Choices are not always easy...but many times necessary and lifesaving. Hang on.

Love,
Linda

[DonnaMarie]

Diane,
I agree with Linda. Please get help for yourself. Drugs aren't
an answer. They might make some momentarily happy, but
not in the long run. There are so many resources available,
NA, hotline numbers. Losing all of that weight isn't good.
Maybe a local ER could be of help. Please listen to everyone
here. Work on yourself. You are the most important person,
in your life.

[Nicky]

Dianne,

I suggest you attend some meetings aswell as talking this through with your therapist...I'm glad you know how self destructive you're being...its the first step in healing. What do you have to lose by attending an NA meeting? Go listen and share....you might find what you need there.

We say in the rooms...that what awaits us if we do not seek help...is Jails, Insititutions and Death....and not necasserily in that order...please get that help for you. Its right there...many people will identify with you and your feelings...you have to reach out...the help will then be given. You're not alone...

Keep coming back...

Love you

Nicky