I lost my best friend sunday

[Caligula]

Hello everyone, this is my first post here.

Sunday morning I lost my Cousin and also my best friend to a multiple of addictions, you name it she did it.
I know she woke every morning and went to a methadone clinic 7 days a week, I guess she needed more then that.
I havent seen her now in 2 years as I moved 1500 miles away from her 17 years ago, we still remained close though.

I always hated the fact I moved so far from everyone I knew and love, after sunday though I realized I dodged the bullet.
You see, I was starting to get into the same things she was back then, first pot, then cocaine.
Pot since my early teens and cocaine from the late 80's to early 90's, Moving saved my life.
I never sought out to look for any type of drug after I moved.

We did everthing together in our teen years, dated eachothers friends.. Laughed and cried together.
I knew it was coming, I told her so last time she came to stay with me..
I hugged her and said Mary, I fear this will be the last time I see you alive.. Turned out I was right.
No matter how much I thought I had prepared myself for the inevitable, it does not make it easier.

I have yet to cry, I have this huge void in the center of my chest where it feels like a part of me was just taken out.
It's the best I can describe it, just a void empty hole.

Looking through some old pictures the other day I forgot the beautifull girls she once was.
I want to remember her that way but all my mind can bring up is her drug ravaged body of two years ago.
Addiction runs heavily in my family, maybe it my brains way of telling me how lucky I am to not have gone down that path.

I hope to become part of this community, I think I could use a few friends right now.

[Linda (lsv)]

Welcome,

I am very sorry for your loss. Addiction is a savage beast and has the ability to consumes all in its path. This program has helped me deal with loving and addict (my son). I hope you find a meeting in your area. Please continue to read and share here. There are online meetings also. There is a great deal to be gained by working this program...I found a saner, happier, and healthier way to think and live. Please know you are not alone. Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

Love,
Linda

[sharon]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Addiction robs us of everything.

I'm glad you came here...and yes....you have lots of friends to help you right now.

Even though your cousin is gone...you are still alive and could benefit from us.

Hope you stick around.

[Caligula]

I didnt add this before because wasnt thinking about it,
Currently I am employed as a crisis service tech at my county Detox/Rehab center. Been there for three years,
I have nightly access to NA and AA meetings, while I havent went to any of the in house meetings the folks who come in to chair the meetings have been absolutly wonderfull to talk to. They suggested Nar-anon, I was more or less thinking grief counceling myself

I am trying not to bring this into work though because the urge to slap the stupidity out of some of the younger people may just become overwhelming.

[jeanette]

I am so sorry for your loss -

and really understand that urge to slap!

[river rock]

I too lost one of my best friends to
addiction, suicide as she chose. It was
a few months before I found this forum.
I too miss my friend, addiction is an evil
that tears families apart and makes people
sick enough to die. Hope you keep coming.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Love River rock

[dtosh]

I am very sorry for your loss. No matter how much you think you prepare for something like this, it still shakes you to your very core. There are grief groups around and they can help.

[linda.f]

Cali,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope you can behold all those beautiful memories

of your cousin and not let addiction define who she was.

This is a great support group. We are all here because of the

love we share for our ALO. I hope you can benefit from

all the experience, strength and hope we have to offer. It

makes the transition of our suffering into so much more.

xo