It Just Goes On and On....

[dtosh]

Here it is, a year later, and the sadness and heartache over the loss of my daughter, Jennifer, has not decreased one bit. In fact, now that the shock and surrealism of it has gone away, it is even worse having to face the full, undiluted reality of it - forever. The year went by so fast and I don't remember much of it. I seem to have gone through the motions of some sort of "normalcy", but I don't feel normal at all. I am still lost and trying to find myself, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to do that with a piece of my heart gone. My world is just not the same and it will never be right again - the color is gone and everything seems gray. I know I still have a lot to be thankful for and I have a wife and two sons who I love immensely, but still....this world is just not right any longer. "Two out of three ain't bad" doesn't apply to children, no matter how hard one tries, and it is difficult getting used to this. I know I will get used to it (there is no other choice) but that, too, doesn't seem right. This just sucks. Big time.

[Joann]

Dave:
I have no words. I just wanted to tell you. You and your family are in
my prayers daily.
I wish I had that magic wond and would make all of this suffering that we go through
disapear. Addictions does suck there are n two ways about it.

(((((((HUGS))))))))
with Love
Joann

[river rock]

Dave,
I find my strngth and hope in my HP. Thats
just what works for me, and most days, it
gives me great peace, even in the midst
or turmoil. You will never get over, or forget
your daughter, it changes you. but you can
be happy again in a different way, by keeping
her memory alive through working to help others,
and all that you do. Try leaning on that HP, he
knows your hurts, Let go, it doesnt mean forgetting
about it, it just means you are ready to move on,
you dont have to leave her behind, bring her with
you in what you do. Let her light Shine !
Love River rock

[callieco]

I can only begin to imagine what you are going through. Thank you for sharing and I pray you find peace and comfort from your HP and the others who support you here. Lifting you and your family up in prayer today.

[Melanie40]

Dave,

It humbles me that with all the emotions of what you and your family have gone through, that you continue to give back and share it with us.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Melanie

[stl1253]

Dave, After two and a half years, it still sucks and life is colored with a film of indifference. I am no longer able to experience heartfelt joy, even when I am with my young grandson. Nothing repairs my broken heart. When I expressed to a friend who has also lost her son to addiction, that I am so tired of feeling this way, she responded, "what did you expect?" She was right. We have experienced the worst possible loss. What was I thinking; that in a couple of years I would be o.k.? It is difficult accepting that I feel so sad so much of the time. And I can tell you that my second year was worse than the first. That's when I began to come out of the fog. Yes, I function, work, smile, laugh, but part of me died when Dan died. Though his death still seems surreal, I recently had a moment of healing. It was just a moment, but I recognized it. That's all I can ask for I guess. I personally have comfort knowing that Daniel is no longer in pain, because that is still the most painfully excruciating thought for me ; that he lived with so much pain every day he woke up.

When Daniel was alive in his addiction, I worked on acceptance, for my own recovery. I never had to like what was happening, but I had to accept it and let go. It is still the same for me now. I am working on trying not to fight the new me, even though I don't like the way I feel most of the time. It is still about acceptance, of myself. The journey continues... Hugs to you and Barb. Sharon L.

[Claudia]

Everything you say is exactly how I feel. All my senses are dull and everything seems gray. It's not right that we have to get used to this.

I pray for peace for us all.