I am so sorry that you are going through this. Last summer my husband arrested for prescription fraud as you know. He went into our neighbors home (we did have an open door policy) and he stole her prescription pad. I felt so sad that the trust was broken and that his disease to him to such a low point.
In the days before his arrest, I had done what you did. I stepped back. I let things happen. I knew that my constant interference was getting in the way of him experiencing the consequences of his actions. I knew in my gut that something bad was going to happen and that I needed to let it.
The thing is, that it wasn't bad. It was a good thing he got arrested. He just said the other day, 'thank God I got arrested'. It woke him up and helped him to see what a problem he had. He had always thought he could do it on his own and this experience showed him that he needed a program.
I know these next few days will be rough so take extra care of yourself. Call me. I am here for you. You know you don't have to go through this alone. We are with you every step of the way.
With love & appreciation,
"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."
- Pema Chodron