AD Update

[takenangel]

I have not been on here much, but I do understand a lot of the stories of life with addicts and addicts themselves. My AD was on mostly prescription pain pills and pot for 3 years and I really thought I would bury her especially after her ABF and baby daddy tried to commit suicide. After 2 years and losing custody of her daughter she has gotten straight on her own. I haven't posted I guess because I was afraid I might jinks her like I had anything to do with it anyway, but she now has 4 months clean. She moved almost 300 miles away from us to get clean after she reached bottom and that broke my heart even more. We are currently raising our 2 yr old GD and she has adjusted well. Now AD wants to come home and I am happy but still so many emotions. She is working for the city government there with decent pay and saving she says as not to put the burden of her finances on us if we decide to let here come home. I am not even sure why I am writing this. I know that she could get drugs there if she wanted and I know she has not. She has even put on 20 pounds which she could use. I am scared either way here because of her not being here and then her daughter, but I believe we all deserve second chances. Some say she had hers and lost it, I say she didn't because when they are using it isn't the same person as when they are clean. There isn't a day that goes by that she isn't either calling or texting to ask about her daughter now. She says her heart aches for her child. I have never seen this side of her and I like it. I pray to HP and we know the answer to her coming back here we just don't know the when as long as she stays clean. Me I am still trying to let go of my anger and resentments of raising her child. When we got custody I had just went back to college and sent her baby brother who was 17 then off to college away from us also and this has been a struggle for me in college. I was looking forward to the we time with my husband and enjoying our freedom, but my HP said otherwise. I am better in some areas but others I am still working on and know that I am not in control of her. My number one concern with this is our GD and how it will effect her life. I better get to bed tomorrow is another day and with each passing day life is looking better and when I know that drugs don't have a hold on her they definitely are brighter..Thanks to all of you on here and my HP.

[Cheryl]

Dear Takenangel,

I am glad that you checked back in with us. I know exactly what you mean about the fear of "jinxing" your daughter's recovery by talking about it; I once had that same fear when my son was in early stages of recovery.

When my son was in active addiction, he became a person whom I did not know, or really want to know. But now that he is in recovery (just for today), he is able to see what his life can be like without relying upon a drug. And today, he is not the teenager who became the addict, but rather he is growing into the man that I always wanted him to be. Although he is living at home going to school, he has gradually increased his ability to assume responsibilities. When he first returned to a local college over a year ago, he started out part time and he now is taking a full load. He has wonderful girlfriend and he has been able to maintain a stable and loving relationship with her for over a year now.

It's the not same as the situation with your daughter having a child, but the point is my son needed "get well" time for him to gradually get back to "normal" living. Recovery is a slow process, it's one day at a time. Keep coming back, you will find your answers for what works for you and your family.

Cheryl

[evergrowing]

Recovery is such a miracle and yet it is so fragile, especially in the beginning. I separated from my husband for a few months and moved back in with him after he had 4 months of clean time under his belt.

Living with him for the last few months has been very humbling. I am proud of him too and yet trying to manage my expectations. I see a different person. Someone who is very caring and thoughtful, spiritual, inquisitive. He is working the steps with his sponsor and going to meetings. He struggles too. He has a hard time socially because he can't drink and doesn't like to be around drinking. He is in drug court so he has to stay on top of that too.

It is sometimes hard to get out of his way but for the most part my program is strong and I have learned that I just need to do it -- for him and for me. I think that living together is possible because we both have really strong programs.

We live in the same town that he used in. He knows many drug dealers numbers by heart. We could move away and maybe he would have to try a little harder to find drugs, but he could. In recovery, they are willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean, that is what I have found.

It is very much a one day at a time thing. Recovery is possible. The miracles that come with it are beautiful -- like your daughter wanting to be with her child.

Thanks for sharing.

[Believer]

Just wanted to let you know that you and your loved ones are in my prayers. I am so happy to know that your granddaughter is your first priority. The little innocent ones need us to provide a safe stable life for them they deserve no less. I too am part of this village that steps up and does what is need to raise a child. I am the legal guardian of my grandson who is now 4. I understand all the challenges that come with that. I am sending up extra prayers to my higher power I call God that she will continue to embrace recovery and be the Mom that her child deserves. I applaud you for being there for your precious grandchild. I really get how difficult a situation this is to navigate and the stakes are high. Again I am praying for a good outcome for Mom and child and really hoping this will be one those miracles that happens and brings a good outcome for all. I was just wondering if you had considering starting with a visitation plan first and then she if she is ready to take a more active role in her daughters life? I wish you all the very best and I am sure you will continue to do what you need to do that is in your grand childs best interest.


Lots and lots of prayers coming your way

Marie

[takenangel]

My daughter does have visits they are just not weekly because of gas prices and she has no car. I have put in God's hands and if it is meant to work it will, if not well then we will adopt our granddaughter if she relapses. I can't and want do this part again. God is in my life daily and without him I would not have learned to let go of what I can't control. Addicts are just the same as we are. They have the control of themselves just like we do and this is the only chance she has to me a real mom again. I know they relapse , but as a second round parent I now things I did not twenty plus years ago and this child deserves a good home and lots of love. I pray my daughter is really ready to be her mom. She will have to move in with us and I will not tolerate drug use at all.
Denise

[lettingo]

This is my first time here. I hope I am posting in the right place.
My twin brother is addicted to crack. He is homeless except for his over the road truckdriving job he has. His job ended yesterday and he has an abusive way of demanding us family members give him free room and board when he has smoked all his future up in crack. He should have many thousands of dollars saved up as his only bills are a cell phone and truck insurance. We found out about his crack habit about 18 months ago. But we thought it was fleeting and that he quit. he had a room in my house when he would come through town.
in years priore, Him, his wife and all 5 kids lived with me,
Him and his wife lived with me on seperate occasions opposite of one anothers restraining orders, his daughter and granddaughter lived with me, Now his son my nephew lives with me. but my brother only continues to make demands, sending me pages and pages on what a hipocrite I am that I wont rescue him. well on top of his crack habit, he is abusive and demanding, using accuser noise, threats and excuses for reasons why we still need to keep him a place to stay. He has no place to go. I told him i am not much going to talk to him til he submits to treatment. His daughter my niece, is echoing me and she also got an ear full of texts saying how horrible she was, using cuss words and degrading her, He cussed out my husband and hung up on him today, Later he was sending my niece text threats thet people kill thmselves for lesser reasons, She sent an officer out to where he was to potentially BAKER ACT HIM, Mean while I am looking for the Marchmans Act forms and can not seem to find them. At the same time, My nephew now lives with me and potentially has the same problem with crack or coccaine.
I feel more sorry formy nephew becaue his parents are severely dysfunctional, so i am a little more accepting of him staying with me, We are both going to meetings tomorrow night, him for AD and me for family members trying not to stress over what the AD is doing .Is my story typical? can you leadme to Marchman act forms florida?