It's almost like she does not exsit anymore

[Believer]

My daughter has not lived in our home for the last two years except for a very brief period around last Christmas. She seemed to be doing well and working hard at changing her life

and rebuilding her relationship with her son and our family but it did not last. Without warning she just left one night in early March and never came back. I guess it was for the best

that my grandson did not get used to having her here. He seems to have accepted that Mommie just does not live here but just comes to visit. Well now she does not even do that.

I guess we are all adjusting to our new normal. The beautiful room that was once her's with vintage white painted furniture with lavender glass knobs, a cool old painted antique bed

lavender color washed walls and a sparkling crystal chandelier and beautiful shabby chic linens and curtains are all gone.This room was my best work and I was so happy to do this for

her after she remained clean for 3 years and was a young teen Mom. I guess I had hoped having a beautiful space of her own would somehow inspire her to value herself and her life.

Now the room is blue, with dark pine furniture, and could not be more boy, A sports themed comforter and rugs. Navy curtains a large red and blue toy box and monster trucks,

super hero's and hot wheels and all things boy fill the room. She has changed her phone number and does not care to share that with us. I guess she has just moved on. I know that

she is alive as I looked at her facebook page and she that she has changed her profile pic, The really strange part of all of this to me is I am pretty much OK with all of this. I have my

my 4 year old grandson to care for and raise and really be a Mom too and he keeps my feet and mind busy. I will never really truly understand how a Mom can walk away from her child

but active addiction can never be underestimated with it's power to twist the mind and rob the soul. So for now our family just goes on her siblings and nephew and niece , her child

us her parents have adapted to our new normal and for the time being it really just feels like she does not exist anymore. Maybe in our own way we all really get how powerless we

are to change this and hold onto each other and live our life the best we can finding joy and gratitude for all the love, happiness and blessings we all have. I will always pray for her, I

will always love her and I will always hold onto hope for her in the meantime the rest of us are important and we have a life to live the one that we choose to embrace.


Thanks for letting me share what is on my mind

May the blessing of peace and serenity be yours

Love Marie

[Gerilyn]

Dear Marie,
I can close my eyes and see that beautiful lavender girly room. They are obviously reminiscent of happier times for you. Your grandson is a very fortunate boy to have all of you to raise him. His mother does not realize what she is giving up. Addicts, we learn, don't think like we do. We cannot ever imagine how they think or why they do what they do. They are functioning with a brain that is controlled by addiction. It is a disease that has changed their priorities.

All you can do is continue to focus on your program and the rest of your family. Hopefully her HP has his arms securely around her and will lead her to recovery. We can't predict the future, but we sure can have hope.

Love,
Gerilyn

[kathyf]

Dearest Marie,

What a beautiful space you created for your sweet daughter. It is reflected in the love you have for her. We do things for our children because we love them and want them to see the beauty and potential that we see in them. I guess it is another lesson in how powerless we are over another and their choices. Regardless, it is something you did out of love and there can never be anything wrong with this.

I want you to know that you are so strong and brave and have been such a big help to me in my recovery and in learning acceptance. You lead your life with grace and love; your beauty shines through and radiates to so many. I am grateful to walk my journey with your presence in my life.

Love,
Kathy

[Cheryl]

Dear Marie,

Addiction is a disease that I will never understand, how it can override the maternal love for one's child, how it can just take everything good from a person. I suspect too, though, that an addict may not understand why the need for the drug is greater than the love for self and others. I am praying that your daughter finds her way back. Your strength and courage in facing addiction is a great gift to your grandson.

With love,
Cheryl

[jjabc]

Dearist Marie,
My heart goes out to you and can only send you (((hugs))). Your post sounds so familiar to me, it could be mine (except the only other family member she has is me). All we can do is do the best we can to enjoy each day we are given. None of us are promised tomorrow.
So today we will do the best we can to enjoy it.
Love you my friend,
Jay

[dmom]

The bedroom sounds beautiful...then and now.
So hard to understand how our AOL's think.
I appreciate your share, it helps to hear how you are living each day the best that you can.
It gives me hope to see it is possible to carry on.


thank you, (((hugs)))
dmom

[pabrown]

I can just picture that beautiful room and the labor
of love you put into it. Now your grandson gets to
enjoy the wonderful room you created just for him
out of love.

I pray with you that your daughter finds her way
back to her son.

(((Hugs)))) and Love
Patsy

[river rock]

Marie,
Im so sorry you are hurting. Its not her walking away
though, its addiction taking her away. I think we just
dont understand the tug it has inside them. So sad. I
have said a couple times on here, that this couple near
where I live were arrested a few weeks back for trying to sell
their two year old son for drugs. Its just not within our being
to fathom such a thing. Nver give up that hope. We dont know
what could happen.
Love you
River rock

[Lyra]

Your acceptance, serenity and grace in letting go with love are inspirational. Your grandson is blessed to have you and such a loving family. Like someone else said, addiction certainly is a disease that changes the afflicted individual's priorities, in ways that are insane to us on the outside. Your understanding and acceptance inspire me to work harder at these important facets of my recovery.

Thanks for being here!

[jpaetz3]

We love them. Their addictions take them away. It is so sad. Stay strong for yourself and your grandson.

[Linda (lsv)]

My daughter's room was lavender too (not my addict). I sooo understand the love and care you put into her room. If only it were that easy right? Addiction defies logic...and love. The new room sounds so cool...so boyish. Hang in there my friend...you are a good mom and grandma.

Love,
Linda

[Melissa]

Ohhh Dear Marie,

I'm preaching to the choir to mention how horrible addiction is and how deeply it effects families. Bottomless love cannot prevent an addict's using. It is not a matter of love, but illness....

Even the living leave a huge hole in our lives as addiction steals our loved ones from us.

You painted a beautiful word picture of your daughter's bedroom which is now your precious grandson's room. Your grandson is blessed to have YOU as his grandma. Your daughter is also blessed to have YOU as her mom..no matter what the current circumstances may be.

While it may be of little comfort to you, I understand your heart...my son has not had contact with his daughter in months--and he is in recovery. It makes my heart ache for her and for what he is missing. (We are not our granddaughter's guardians)

(((hugs))) You are not alone.