It was not enough

[linda.f]

I can remember when my husband was in recovery for about 12 years.

His one time best friend succumbed to this disease. He was 39 years old.

I can remember being at a funeral with this friend when another friend had

died from this disease. I can remember talking to him, right in front of the

open casket. I can remember him telling me right to my face, "If this isn't

enough to make me straighten out, then I don't know what will". He was

dead six months later of the same disease.

My son's one time best friend and our close family friend died two weeks ago.

My son did not attend the service. He was apathetic. He does not associate

the consequence of his drug use. He is hanging on to his misery. Fighting

every last fight to keep using. He is once again deep in his addiction. He is back out

on the street. Oh I know it will end somehow. He will either go to jail, go

to the hospital, die or ask for help.

I know enough to keep working my program. Let Go and Let God. I know I will

always have choices. To not live through his misery. To never give hope, to always

be here if wants help and to have the courage to allow him the dignity to figure it out.

xo

[carpediem]

I know I will always have choices. To not live through his misery

Beautifully said.
Pain is mandatory, but suffering is optional; you can see the difference now, and that is your program shining through.

[Linda (lsv)]

Dear Linda,

What does it take? What is enough? I have no idea. Trying to understand addiction is just about impossible from a rational standpoint. It does not make sense to a non-user. I pray for all of our loved ones that they find the path to recovery. That is between them and their respective HP's. I am sending you hugs, love, and prayers. You are an inspiration to me.

Love,
Linda

[evergrowing]

One of my husband's best friends ODed 10 years and I would have thought that would be enough to make him stop back them but instead he got worse and worse. It just doesn't make sense. None.

When my husband was in active addiction and I had my program, I was able to see that my 'helping' was never actually helping. I had to remind myself each day that the best way for me to help him was to not try to. I know you know this. Remembering it was essential to keeping my serenity.

We are with you. We are also baffled by this disease. It doesn't make any sense. I hope you feel the love and support of your fellowship.

[Gerilyn]

My dear friend LInda,

I feel the pain in your post. Addiction, and all it brings, makes no sense at all. We have each other, though, as we all walk together in this journey, supporting each other and understanding how we all feel. Sending you hugs, love, and prayers for better days ahead, and for your precious son to hopefully accept recovery in his life.

Love,
Gerilyn

[Believer]

I have had experience with the same type of situation. My ad lost someone very close to her. She actually has a tattoo of his name on her arm in memory of him and what he meant to her. I have heard her express sadness of how many of her friends and people she knows are dying, or in jail or institutions. This knowledge has caused her to pause and make efforts to change her life and look at her choices but they never stuck, The disease just keeps winning. This is just another example of how this disease of toxic thinking and behavior is always seeking it's next victim and deceiving the user so that denial can consume them never believing it will happen to them.

Prays for all our loved one who suffer
By the grace of God may they find
the clarity to escape.

Marie

[pabrown]

My son lost his best friend to this horrible disease 4 yrs ago. It impacted him
only for a brief time and his addiction just got worse and worse. Since then
he has lost 8 more friends/acquaintances, the most recent last month, it was
his roommate. He just seems to be numb to it now, no emotions. Like Marie
said the disease just keeps winning.

I have to try very hard not to carry the weight of this but somedays
it is so hard.

(((Hugs)))) and Love
Patsy

[river rock]

Im so sorry Linda, I know the let down ,sad feeling in your heart.
what would we do without our program. My son has had at least
six old friends die from this disease, and one kid took two innocent
women in another car with him. Its evil.But there is always hope,
it we never give it up. Its all we have, on their behalf.
love you
River rock

[meg]

Linda, I know this has been a very difficult time for you. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. We never know what might turn things around from them...we must continue to be hopeful and keep living the best life we can. live and let live....let go and let god. Love and prayers.

[Melissa]

My Dear Friend!!!

You said~~~

I know enough to keep working my program. Let Go and Let God. I know I will

always have choices. To not live through his misery. To never give hope, to always

be here if wants help and to have the courage to allow him the dignity to figure it out.

AMEN. I have nothing to add except it is my priviledge to be on this journey with you.
(((hugs)))

[layla]

lots and lots of love to you....this cannot be easy for you at all....
you are amazingly strong! look at how far you have come!

[Cheryl]

Dear Linda,

There is no answer as to why an addict continues to use despite the consequences or costs .... that is the insidiousness of this disease. My prayers are with you and your son. Recovery can happen, and it's happening for you. The rooms of NA also are filled with addicts who finally "got it" and chose life over misery.

Cheryl

[PBH777]

Linda,
I am holding you in my heart and in my prayers.
Love,
njmom